In a disaster, people become more intensely who they are. Some people will prey on others, some will give with a generosity that touches everyone, some get organised, or help others to do so, some will deal with pain and loss with dignity and courage, others will wail and blame.

Taken to an extreme, if you had been in the Haiti earthquake and lost all your material possessions, you would be down to your core - who you are. The will to survive comes from heart and spirit. After that, well, think about it: how easily could you rebuild from there?

We all know a business needs a financial buffer zone - so much in the bank to carry us through, an overdraft to smooth out cash flow. What about personally? What do we need to carry us through, to do deal with life's ups and downs?

Your personal Buffer Zone is the physical, mental and emotional resources to thrive (preferably more than cope!) in a wide range of circumstances. You have whatever physical health and energy is basic to you, and otherwise the only things you truly own are your knowledge, beliefs (particularly self-belief), personal integrity and values, your ability to create relationships, your intention and your emotional strength, your CHOICES.

What would increase the value of your buffer zone? Perhaps a little more confidence and self-belief. Maybe it's physical: fitness, weight, posture, nutrition or breathing. Perhaps it's your relationship skills, to increase your ability to let the past go, or to give freely. Maybe it would be useful to increase the breadth or depth of your personal support network, or learn practical skills, or take up a mindfulness technique. Many of us need to find the passion and purpose in our lives that stops us struggling and puts us in flow. There's no right or wrong, just "is this useful?"

So, how big is your buffer zone, and what are you doing to increase it?

It's amazing how many people have the illusion that they are really in control of everything and forget that our sphere of influence is not that big.  On the other hand, many people forget that they have tremendous ability to affect what IS in our sphere of influence, and will blame outside events for their own response.

When a situation is actually beyond your control, you have several options.

1. You can worry and stress about it anyway

2. You can ignore it and hope it goes away (this does even work occasionally).  Better to put it to one side for a little while, and give your unconscious mind a chance to work without pressure.

3. You can revisit your priorities. Is this short-term urgent, or long-term important?  Or really not that big in the scheme of things?  Are your values really healthy and working for you?

4. If you can't change the core issue, what DO you still have control over?   It's really important not to lump everything together.  See how many areas you can tease out - you will be able to influence more than you expect.

5. You can accept the reality of the situation and look for something positive in it - no matter how unlikely; there is usually a lesson to be learnt from every experience.  It is possible to make the best of any circumstance. eg: a redundancy package may come with training options that lead you to a more fulfilling career.  It's astonishing how often we can look back and be grateful for something that at the time was painful, in terms of how we've grown from the experience.

6. You can nurture yourself with exercise, good diet, relaxation, and generally look for the most positive aspects of the REST of your life - a problem does not have to BE your life.

7. You can stand back and see if there are similar events or patterns that have occurred in your life before, and use this knowledge to look at the issues, behaviours and beliefs, which relate to these events. You then have the option to change your beliefs and behaviours, the way you seek/offer support, the level of knowledge on an issue - dozens of things which will change the QUALITY of the experience.

Most of us are concerned about what we eat 3 times a day. We breathe 20 - 30 THOUSAND times a day, so how important do you think it is to get that right? Poor breathing (shallow, fast, too much for the level of activity) is a crucial factor is many common conditions such as asthma, high blood pressure, digestion issues, snoring and more. (Really? Yes, see SCIENCE below)

Fortunately, improving the way you breathe can rapidly reverse, and then prevent, many of these symptoms, and will give the body's immune system a tremendous boost. Even if you're healthy, better breathing can improve thinking skills, reduce tension (physical and emotional) and increase stamina. Calming the breathing short term is useful, but for good health, efficient relaxed breathing should become the body's natural state.

Fortunately, the breathing habits can be changed with awareness and simple exercises. After a while it becomes your new 'normal'. However, changing such an automatic process is rather like asking an army colonel to walk like a ballet dancer - both styles require one leg to be moved at a time, but at first everything about the new style would feel completely wrong! Practice is essential, along with feedback from a teacher to ensure the best results, and a short intense learning process is MUCH more effective than dragging it out.

The Buteyko system of breathing exercises is taught to the client in a structured way over 5 - 10 sessions, ideally over only a couple of weeks. The programme is tailored to the individual. Since people have to breathe well in all situations, exercises are taught seated, standing, exercising and speaking. However the client must practice each day for a while until the body accepts the new way of breathing as an automatic habit.

Results are usually rapid (eg: asthma/sinus symptoms are often noticeably reduced even in the first session) and the benefits long term. Some benefits occur even with low levels of compliance, and structured use of the programme provides significant and predictable results in most cases. Even people with complex health problems generally get measurable improvements.

The SCIENCE behind Buteyko: Overbreathing (breathing too much for the level of activity) causes an imbalance between oxygen and carbon dioxide. Depending on your genetic predisposition, a significant drop in carbon dioxide can trigger spasms in smooth muscle tissue which makes up the lining of the airways, gut, blood vessels and many other organs. Long term it puts a strain on the immune system, rather like carrying excess weight. The consequences can be asthma, sinusitis, panic attacks, snoring and also contributes significantly to many other common conditions such as M.E. and IBS. The triggers can be allergy, strong emotion, change in temperature, exercise - the consistent factor is the overbreathing.

WHAT is the key element of your business? What shapes it? What brings it alive day after day?

The answer has to be YOU!

Your vision, your drive, your skills - yes, absolutely. Even more importantly, the person you are, with all your beliefs, and the things you value.

When you know what you truly value, you can create a life, and business, in alignment with who you really are. That creates flow, attracts the clients, the support, the opportunities, that you need.

This is law of attraction in action; it's also plain common sense!

Imagine a business in which the proprietor values caring, space, quality and making connection. Imagine that somehow they ended up running a business in a lightless, small office; selling products that fall apart in a short time; by mail-order. It would be hell. The only way they could make a success of such a business would be to stop being themselves. Long-term, this is not a viable strategy! Something has to give. Self-respect, energy, well-being. Eventually, the business itself!

Imagine the same woman running a business in a place with light and space, the opportunity to meet people, make sure their needs are met with high quality products or services.

Which one will prosper? Which one will love their work? Which one will attract clients and gain referrals?

How closely does your business, and the way you run it, really match your values?

Consider what you do on a daily/weekly/monthly basis. (eg: cleaning, accounting, networking, sales, service provision, self-nurturing, learning…..) List them where they fit against the categories below.

1 Skilled at and enjoy doing, important to the business
2 a) Skilled at, dislike doing, important to the business
OR b) Unskilled, enjoy doing, important to the business.
3 Skilled at, enjoy doing, NOT important to the business
4 Unskilled, dislike doing, NOT important to the business


1. If you're doing lots of this you're right on target! Would it be helpful to do more?

2. If you're spending lots of time here, you have several options: delegate, upskill, find ways to have more fun with it, change your business model.

3.If this is where your heart lies, can you incorporate it into your current business effectively? If not, keep it as a hobby, or rethink your business. Or you could just keep distracting yourself with it.....

4. What on earth are you wasting your time and energy on this for?

As people seem to work harder and more frantically, preventing burnout becomes ever more crucial. This is particularly true of the caring professions (this includes parents!) as we can spend a high proportion of our days with people in various states of distress. Well, hopefully they soon feel better from our ministrations, but how do we feel when they've gone? Uplifted or exhausted?

When we create rapport with people, empathise with them, and connect to show support and caring, it's all too easy to let that rapport take us into the other person's state. We match posture, muscle tension, breathing, speed and tone of speech, and eventually we start seeing the world the way they do. This can feel like a terrible strain, indeed you may have heard, or even used, the term 'energy vampire'!

Fortunately there is a simple strategy for maintaining your own health and energy so you can continue to give to others without strain. I've found that, in addition to the physical necessities (eat, sleep, exercise, relax!), taking control of our own emotional/energetic state is vital. The key to know is: STRONGEST STATE WINS! If you're just 'feeling ok' and someone in a more intense state arrives, how you feel is very likely to change! If someone feeling great bounces in, we lift up; likewise an angry person will trigger either anger/defence/avoid; a deeply sad person can have us in tears in moments. However, if you're deliberately in ANY state, that's more powerful than just about anything someone else is doing randomly.

I'm putting together a workshop, and feedback on the potential content would be very welcome!

* Having the resources to keep giving - it's vital to nurture yourself first!
* Power states - creating a resource state to trigger at will
* Rapport with clients is always good, isn't it? The trap of random rapport
* The difference between telling someone how to be happy (or worse still that they SHOULD be) and making it inevitable that they feel it!
* Healthy choices - yes, eating, sleeping, exercise
* Relaxation techniques to share
* Intention - beyond wishing!
* Drawing the line - where DO your responsibilities begin and end?

CHOOSE TO FEEL WONDERFUL, AND SPREAD IT AROUND - JUST BY BEING YOURSELF!

Last week I had an extraordinary client.  His ambition is to be the first Irishman to climb Mount Everest without oxygen!  He's doing it for charity, and the whole 2 year project has begun from scratch - no climbing experience at all.   His purpose in seeing me was to improve his breathing so that he as optimum oxygen uptake and can minimise hyperventilation at high altitudes. 

I've always said people are capable of incredible things.  Climbing the highest mountain, in this case literally, starts long before setting foot on its base! 

As a training provider for Carers in Hertfordshire I've been running a series of workshops called Learning to Change. Going from being 'just a carer' back to having a life, in addition to/instead of being a carer, is the equivalent to climbing Everest for many people.   We've been exploring relaxation techniques, mind management, communicating well, and practical assertiveness techniques.  For example, several of the ladies (yes, the whole dozen were women) were really uncomfortable when dealing with garage mechanics.  It's a common concern that you're being conned when you don't know much about any subject, and it's even less pleasant when you are also being patronised.  By this point we'd worked on body language, breathing, visualising etc. 

The nitty gritty advice I gave was simply this:  If you don't trust a mechanic/technician/builder etc tell them up front you are getting 2 or 3 quotes and that you've already organised it.  When you've actually done this, even the dodgy ones will do their best to provide a decent quote/timescale etc.   You feel more confident, and the workmen can sense you mean what you say.

My Everest client has also prompted me to get back into exercise, several months on from an injury.   I'd gotten out of the habit of thinking about exercise, and felt tired and gained weight.  In the last week, despite a few niggling complaints from unused muscles, I've lost 4 pounds and am sleeping better too!  I keep wondering how much earlier I could have started to feel better.

What can you do to make yourself feel better?  Whatever it is, enjoy it!